Aragorn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This was totally not written by me, but I thought it was hilarious and thought that I'd share. Originally found HERE. (on a side note, I really think this blog is turning out to be all about geeky sense of humour. I cannot bring myself to be sorry about this.)

Again, this is not by me.


Aragorn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
by Poppins

Last night when I went to bed I had aethelas in my mouth and now there’s aethelas in my hair and when I got up I tripped over my sheath and by mistake I dropped my razor into the sink while the water was running and I had to go to the Council of Elrond with stubble and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At the Council, Gandalf didn’t introduce me and Boromir made faces at me and when I stuck my tongue out at him Elrond yelled at me for being rude and now I have to copy “My courtesy is somewhat lessened of late” 100 times and they still won’t let me reforge the shards of Narsil.

I think I’ll move to Australia.

When we left, Legolas got to lead a hobbit, and Gimli got to lead a hobbit, and Gandalf got to lead a hobbit, and even Boromir got to lead a hobbit, but I had to lead Bill the Pony. I said I was getting lonely. I said Bill was smelly and there were flies. I said, I am going to be sick. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In the Mines of Moria Gandalf got to be the leader and Frodo got to talk to him and Gimli got to tell anecdotes and Legolas looked good in the dim lighting but I had to walk behind the hobbits and I don’t know what they ate for second breakfast but it made the rotting corpses smell good. I told everyone I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and no one even answered.

Then Frodo said that I wasn’t his best friend anymore and that Sam was his best friend and Gandalf was his second best friend and I was only his third best friend. I hope you sit on Sting, I said to Frodo. I hope the next time you get a strawberry lembas the strawberries all fall off and land in Australia. And Frodo said he was going to run away and never play with me again and then he did. And a gang of orcs attacked us and killed Boromir and now I have to run across a million-billion miles to get Merry and Pippin back.

At Edoras Wormtongue was mean to me and Eowyn fell in love with me and wanted to kiss me. Yuck. I hate kissing. Gandalf only played with Theoden and said that we all had to go to Helm’s Deep. On the way wargs attacked us and one dragged me off the cliff and it felt like I landed in Australia.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because at Helm’s Deep Legolas got to invent skateboarding and Gimli got to invent dwarf-tossing and Eomer and Gandalf got to invent horse-jumping but I broke a tooth. The dentist says I have to come back to get it fixed next week.

Next week, I said, I’m going to Australia.

But instead I had to go through the Paths of the Dead and now I have to lead a bunch of icky undead guys into a hopeless battle and then take them sailing and I always get seasick. If we do win, which we won’t, I’ll have to brush my hair and I hate brushing my hair because it gets knots in it. And I’ll have to marry Arwen and sing a song in front of all the Gondorians and Elrond will scowl at me because he always scowls at me.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Gandalf says some days are like that.

Even in Australia.